Wet Ass Pastry
Why is sex always this taboo topic even into the narrowing windows of adulthood? We revolve around the act of sex. We have evolved from the act of sex; yet, it’s always the most touchiest subject. When I hear songs like WAP by Megan Thee Stallion & Cardi B, this sudden bliss is poured onto me. Women being able to talk about their sexual prowess in such an emphatic fashion is inspiring. The song never created this discontent or discomfort—it actually encouraged and uplifted everyone around me. Anyone can be confident in their body and sexuality. No matter your identity or sexuality or height or weight you can show strength in the act. You demand satisfaction, and you will stand for nothing but that. Sex is a reflection of life, and everyone deserves freedom in this life. Whether you want to go out and experience it with 50 individuals or one or none, it is your choice. One should never feel ashamed for wanting to experience lust in a healthy fashion. We need it to progress as humanity continues to roam the earth. We need it to truly understand the complexities of an individual. We need it to truly feel happiness (sometimes). It is a human need like breakfast.
Cinnamon Rolls, like sex, has been a part of my life for a long time. The sweet delicacies are smothered with cream, rubbed in cinnamon and rolled to dough-y rolls of sugary goodness. The pastries are warm, soft, sweet and welcoming like a partner should be. And, the treats are never a bad addition to a table filled with other breakfast delights. They’re only a complement to life like sex should be. Maybe sex isn’t your biggest concern, but I would dare you to say breakfast isn’t.
cinnamon rolls
ingredients:
tangzhong:
5T water
5T organic whole milk
3T/1t unbleached organic bread flour
Dough:
4c unbleached organic bread flour
2 1/2t yeast
1c organic whole milk
1/2c granulated sugar
6T unsalted butter, melted
1t kosher salt
1t vanilla extract OR almond extract
1t ground cinnamon
2 eggs
filling:
1c dark brown sugar
3T ground cinnamon
1T pumpkin spice
6T unsalted butter, melted
cream cheese icing:
6T unsalted butter, melted
1 1/2c powdered sugar
1/4c cream cheese
1 paste of vanilla bean
1/2t kosher salt
1/2t ground nutmeg
1/4-1c heavy cream
splash of bourbon
Helpful items:
stand mixer
plastic wrap
rolling pin
dough cutter
recipe (tangzhong & dough):
In a small sauce pan whisk together water, flour and milk. After all lumps are gone, set stove to medium-high heat and continuously whisk mixture until bottom begins to thicken. Immediately take off heat and set aside. (This is tangzhong and is useful in adding a bit more fluff to a pastry. You can skip this step if you’re not comfy, but you will regret it).
In a small pot, heat 1c milk to 110F, pour milk into measuring cup, add yeast and stir furiously. Cover measuring cup with plastic wrap and set aside for 10-12 minutes or until mixture smells yeast-y.
In stand mixer bowl or large mixing bowl, add flour, sugar, salt, extract, cinnamon, eggs, yeast mixture and tangzhong. Stir or set stand mixer to lowest setting. As the ingredients start to come together, you can slowly add the melted butter. Take your time. Once dough ball is formed, take out of large mixing bowl or stand mixer bowl and knead until softened texture is met—about 5-8 minutes. Roll dough into ball and place dough into another large well-oiled bowl, cover in plastic wrap and set in cool dark area for 60-90 minutes OR until dough has doubled in size.
recipe (filling & dough):
As the dough is rising, add butter, dark brown sugar, ground cinnamon and pumpkin spice to medium-size bowl. Mix well.
Uncover bowl, slap dough and then take dough out of bowl. Remove about 1/4 of the dough from the ball and set aside. Roll/flattened dough out into a large rectangular shape at about a quarter-inch thick (you can roll thinner if you prefer your rolls small). Slice a 12X16” rectangle out of the flattened dough.
Spread your filling onto to the dough evenly. Slowly roll the dough into a large log and slice the log into about 2-inch thick pieces.
Place your rolled pieces into a large pan, cover in plastic wrap and allow to rise for 30-60 minutes OR until they have doubled in size.
recipe (icing & rolls):
Set oven to 350F and bake the now risen-rolls for 20-25 minutes or until desired brown texture has been reached.
In the meantime, add butter, powdered sugar, cream cheese, paste from one vanilla bean (along with the bean if you’d like), salt, nutmeg and splash of bourbon to stand mixer bowl or large mixing bowl. Mix slowly or on the lowest setting. Slowly add 1T increments of heavy cream until desired viscosity is reached (I added about 3/4c to mine below). Remove vanilla bean if added.
Take rolls out of oven and allow to cool for 10-15 minutes. Add desired amount of icing on top of rolls. Enjoy!
