Mc____
Surviving Super Size Me
(Consistent)
On May 24, 2025, I had McDonald’s for the first time in 11 years, and it was awful. I hadn’t planned on ever really having McDonald’s for the rest of my life but a blog idea struck me. I wanted to recreate the burger I had eaten there over 11 years ago, and I also had a mind-numbing curiosity about the taste of McDonald’s 11 years later. I walked into the McDonald’s across the street from my apartment, ordered on the electronic kiosk (despite there being at least 4 workers manning the register) and ordered the Big Mac large meal. I got my burger, my large fry and filled my 30oz.(!!!!!) cup to the brim with ice and perhaps the crispest orange Fanta in the western hemisphere. I walked back to my apartment, sat down and recorded my experience trying the famous meal. And you can see my experience below:
As you can see yourself, the eating experience was rather unceremonious. The meat was flimsy or nearly nonexistent, the bread was overpowering, and the sauce had more of a stench than a welcoming fragrance. The fries were tasteless because of the lack of salt and as flaccid as a medieval king with gout. The Fanta was strong enough to kill a baby Walrus—which I kind of liked. The next 24 hours or so were a bit of gastrointestinal journey. I did not feel good, and I’m going to blame the Big Mac large meal. My immune system felt a bit down, and my body felt weaker; in McDonald’s defense, the meal above was my first real food of the day. But, strangely enough, the first word that came to mind after eating the Big Mac large meal was: consistent. As scary as it is strange, the McDonald’s meat, fries and bread tasted like they did 11- or 22-years ago even. It was almost like I took a time capsule back to my childhood and ordered the same meal for a few bucks cheaper. I find that to be a bit terrifying. I’m sure McDonald’s has tweaked their recipe(s) since 2014, but my taste buds couldn’t tell the difference. A very weird experience when you learn that your taste buds change over time and after all of the liquor—and God knows what else I’ve ingested or tasted over the last decade—the meal still remained consistent. Consistency killed the cat and the cook as well—many moons ago at least.
It was YardFest at Howard Homecoming 2013. The weather was clear and sunny in the low-70’s. It was the perfect day to underage drink, dance to some great music and be merry with friends. Originally, I had planned to eat breakfast, but I was running late to class so I skipped it (my first mistake). I went to class not listening to my professor nor my stomach. “It’s literally YardFest! What could we possibly need to know today that couldn’t wait until next week?? Read the room, stupid.“, my mind repeated over and over and over as I watched the clock tick. Finally, I was out of class. Last Homecoming wasn’t taken serious by myself and other freshman, so we had to compensate! I had already filled my dorm’s mini-fridge with orange juice and other assortments of fluids to help wash down the gallon of peach Amsterdam I had bought illegally. No water in sight either! Why would I hydrate all week? That’s for idiots and athletes. My former friend was on his way from Meridian with his liquor as well, and I had my outfit running in the dryer for a quick de-wrinkle. But I needed to consume food. The number one rule was to never drink on an empty stomach (advice I still oppose to this day at times, regretfully). The only option I could fathom at 11AM was McDonald’s. I went to the nearest and quite possibly the most infamous McDonald’s in the DMV (or world) across the street from Howard’s campus. There was no kiosk in 2013 so I blurted out my favorite order at the time: two BBQ Ranch Burger’s. After what felt like 400 minutes, my order was thrown to the side (as tradition at this McDonald’s). I grabbed it and ate as I power walked to my dorm. Now, what happens next is a bit hard to remember because I’ve spent over a decade forgetting it, but I drank way too much, threw up what felt like 5 gallons of body fluid and blacked out at YardFest. When you add intense drinking, undigested food and a powerful sun with poor hydration levels you’re asking to be sent to your maker or the Howard Hospital. Lucky for me, I did not meet either that day. My friend got me cleaned up, showered and I actually went back out to YardFest (hahaha)!! Oh, how I wish I still had the stomach and will of a 19-year old. But, after this incident and a few more poor meals at McDonald’s, I vowed to stop eating from the fast food franchise altogether. I can’t remember the exact day it happened, but I do remember making a vow, staring at God in the sky and a gust of wind shortly following—which felt sort of like an omnipresent approval. And, until 2025, I didn’t eat the damn food.
Now, as I mentioned in the video above, I do have fond memories of having McDonald’s as a child. I remember my mom reserving Friday’s or weekends as the days we could eat out. She rolled the family’s minivan into the drive thru, got us kid’s meals with the toys and even allowed us to eat in the car on occasion. The excitement of opening up the bright red box and getting the toy you had been discussing all week in school was such a rush. The toy was more important than the meal at times. My favorite meal back then was: the chicken nuggets with fries and a drink. We also used to have birthday parties at McDonald’s. Crazy, right? Sometimes we would pile up in the family’s minivan, drive to New Boston, TX and hang out with our cousins for a few hours in the McDonald’s playground. Nowadays the restaurant doesn’t even have a playground. I guess the fun offered for kids is cooking the meals in the back for shit pay. And that’s the best way for me to remember McDonald’s—as a communal resource, not a metaphoric sweatshop for children.
Whether I was in college trashed with friends or a temporary lover, or I was with family at a cousin’s birthday party, or I was at the McDonald’s across the street from my apartment, the memory of people gathering in there to play cards, take refuge, have sentimental family time, barf or catch up with peers has been seared into my brain. I might not remember all of the meals, but I’ll never forget the community formed under the golden arches of hell. Funny how a place symbolic of the perpetually evil capitalistic dream has been reclaimed as a place of communal reprieve. You can ask anyone on earth, and I’m sure they have at least one fond memory of McDonald’s. I hope, at least.
Cook’s Confession: I gave a crack at remaking the Big Mac AND the BBQ Ranch Burger—the burger that nearly killed me in 2013 (Yes, I’m blaming the burger rather than copious amount of cheap ass vodka), but neither turned out the way I wanted (I’ll still post some photos below). As a result, I’m going to deconstruct the BBQ Ranch Burger while also expanding the usage of the deconstructed dish and add some fries. Deconstruction is always fun in cooking; you get to test the art of it more than usual. I hope you choose to make this rather than eat that slop, but if not, I won’t judge (Okay, just a wee bit). We all need sustenance, right?
Adobo Chili/Homemade Fries/Sloppy Joe or Manwich
ingredients
adobo chili:
1 can of chipotle peppers in adobo sauce
2lbs. of ground beef (20% lean, preferably)
1/2c green bell pepper, diced
1/2 white onion, diced
3 cloves of garlic, roughly chopped
1 bay leaf
1 can of low-sodium kidney beans OR beans of choice, can drained
3-4T of light beer (I used Modelo)
1/4c ketchup
1T apple cider vinegar
1T dijon mustard
1T worcestershire sauce
2t ground cumin
1-2t ground cinnamon
1T espresso coffee powder
2-3c low-sodium chicken OR beef stock (I used reinforced chicken stock)
salt & pepper & msg to taste
Optional: shredded cheese (Mexican blend, preferably), sour cream, original frito-lay, green onions (thinly sliced)
chili cheese fries:
3 large russet potatoes, peeled and sliced to 1/2in. width rectangular prisms for perfect fry shape
1T white distilled vinegar
1T kosher salt
2.5-2.8L OR 11-12c vegetable oil
1/2-1c of adobo chili, warmed
1/2-1c of cheese wiz or canned cheese, warmed
1T hot sauce of choice
2-3T milk (to thin the cheese)
Optional: bacon bits, green onions (thinly sliced), ranch
sloppy joe:
1/4-1/2c of adobo chili, warmed
1 pair of potato buns, toasted
2 slices of white american cheese
1T of ranch
Helpful items:
small/medium/large pots/dutch ovens
medium pan
food thermometer (MUST HAVE)
strainer(s)—like a spider strainer
high-speed blender
potato peeler
fry cutter (high recommend)
wooden spoon
wire rack
rimmed baking sheet
recipe (adobo chili):
In a high-speed blender, add chipotle peppers and pulse until peppers are obliterated. Add a few teaspoons of water to help thin the mix a bit.
Note: It will make you cough, regardless.
In a large pot/dutch oven set to medium high, add ground beef and cook until brown while breaking up with wood spoon. Strain beef from pot and remove fat.
Place pot/dutch oven back on the stove and add onion and bell pepper. Stir. Cook for 2-3 minutes. Add garlic. Stir. Cook for 1 minute. De-glaze the pot/dutch oven with beer while scraping the bottom bits from the previously cooked beef—make sure the alcohol is completely cooked off from the beer. Add ground beef back, blended adobo mix from Step 1 and chicken stock. Stir.
Note: You can skip the beer and use some extra stock to de-glaze!
Into the beef mixture, add cumin, cinnamon, apple cider vinegar, dijon mustard, bay leaf, stir and allow pot to reach a rolling simmer.
After beef mixture has reached a simmer, turn down heat to medium low. Add beans (skip if you want a meat-based dish) and ground coffee. Stir while scraping down the sides for that good stuff. Cook for 25-35 minutes or until stock has reduced a by at least half (see below). Add salt, pepper & msg once chili is nearly done or cooked down.
Note: Chili is a very forgiving dish. You can add other vegetables or other kinds of beans if you’d like, but I recommend adding salt, pepper & msg at the end to avoid over-seasoning this dish. The adobo is the Beyonce here—hence why there’s no hot sauce in the ingredients above.
Grab a bowl, pour hot chili mix into it, garnish with sour cream, cheese, green onions and frito-lay’s. Store the rest for later in the fridge (3-4 days). Enjoy!
recipe (chili cheese fries):
Place peeled and sliced potatoes into bowl or medium size pot and rinse under faucet until water becomes clear. Fill pot with water until potatoes are covered. Place pot on stove set to medium, add vinegar and salt. Allow potatoes to cook for 20-30 minutes while routinely checking to avoid overcooking them. The potatoes should have structure but not firmness (see below). Once potatoes are done cooking, place on wire rack on top of a rimmed baking sheet layered with paper towels and allow potatoes to get back to room temperature—10-15 minutes. Pat potatoes with a paper towel to further dry them.
Note: While doing research on homemade fries crispness, I’ve found that a little baking soda rather than vinegar can help. I will do more research on this and report back in another fries post. Just you wait!
In the same pot (cleaned out) or a separate pot, pour in vegetable oil and set stove to medium high. Allow oil to heat to 320F. Add potatoes in batches (don’t overcrowd) and fry until the potatoes begin to have a pale color. 2-3 minutes. Remove the fries from the pot carefully and place back on the wire rack. Continue this process until all fries have been fried once.
Crank the heat up and allow oil to reach a temperature of 350F. Add fries in batches (don’t overcrowd) and fry until the desired golden color is reached (I cooked them for about 1 minute). Remove the fries from the pot carefully and place back on the wire rack. Continue this process until all fries have been fried once.
Note: The oil will lower in temp once you drop the fries in. This is fine and expected (yes, science)! Continue to monitor the oil’s temperature and turn up the stove’s heat to get the oil back to 320/350F.
In a small pot set to medium low, add cheese while constantly stirring to avoid burning. Add hot sauce. Stir. Add milk until desired thinness is reached.
Place fries into a bowl, drizzle cheese sauce on top, add warmed adobo chili and garnish with bacon bits, ranch and green onions. Enjoy!
recipe (sloppy joe/manwich):
In a medium size pan set to medium low, toast two potato buns. Remove buns once desired toasted texture is reached.
On the bottom bun add ranch, a slice of cheese, warmed adobo chili, another slice of cheese. Crown the behemoth with the top bun. Enjoy!
