Grace 2
A few weeks ago I had a strange dream. It was one of the most vivid dreams I had all year actually. I couldn’t really make sense of it even after talking to my woo woo friend and my therapist. I came to the conclusion by myself. The unique thing about dreams is the endless plausibility of it. Dreams can be damning, refreshing, charming and of course, enlightening; but, it’s up to you to interpret it. It’s up to you to grasp the deep and almost deafening message it reveals to you. Dreams can also mean nothing. Perhaps, another dream would mean nothing; however, this one was something. This one is something. It was certainly something needed. Sometimes needs can be terrifying.
I won’t mention the person’s name out of respect for them, but the rest is true. To give background, I met this person long ago back home in Arkansas. We had a very short affair which eventually led to more of a kinship. This was in my younger college days. She had a child maybe a year later. As someone who was raised by a single mother, I seem to have a strong affinity with single mothers usually. I can’t fully relate to their experience, but I know what struggles I saw as a child and in retrospect as an adult. I saw her child as a gift and the child was just that. I would help her out where I could with the little money I earned through summer internships and kept tabs when I attended Howard. It was a privliege to check in. The dream took place in maybe the first apartment the mother had. I remember this apartment vividly due to my routine check-in’s. It was this huge one bedroom with old wooden floors. I remember hearing the wood creak even after taking the most gentle steps. I’d play with their son and make sure we weren’t falling too hard on the wood. My mother even helped out by giving them some items for the child.
At first, this didn’t even feel like a dream. It felt like revisiting a memory. That was until…I saw the back of the apartment. What was a parking lot was now a huge garden!! A garden full of flowers, tomatoes, carrots, squash, pumpkin, cucumber, peppers, onions and more. Now, I am no botanist, but I can ascertain the variety of vegetables seen being completely unattainable in one garden. That’s what made it so vivid. It was this colorful paradise full of nourishment. Full of life. Full of love. And the mother was tending to all of it. The apartment was actually unoccupied—I was confused after entering an open door without even a knock. I walked down the backsteps, and there she was smiling with relief. I was then given a shovel to help retrieve some weeds. My unfamiliarity with the task made me eager to take on the challenge! I helped. I worked with great fervor to help the mother. She was very pleased and as a reward I was given some ripe tomatoes and peppers to give to my mother. That was the dream.
Now the tricky part comes with interpretation after I woke up suddenly to the blaring sound of my alarm. At first, I shrugged the entire thing off as a slip into the past my imagination allowed. But the dream kept returning to my mind over and over and over again. It ate at my insides like a parasite. I couldn’t shake it; so, I returned to it while awake and diagnosed.
“It’s not about the mother or the child or the creaky apartment”, I thought. The dream was about grace. Giving grace. Receiving grace. Allowing yourself to have grace. I’ve always been hard on myself for numerous reasons that can be saved for another post. I never give myself enough grace and in return the notion leaks its rotting core onto others around—friends, family and apparently romantic partners of old and new; I don’t extend grace; I don’t give grace. The dream was telling me to water these gardens—externally and internally. Grace is always needed and it should be extended as much as possible. The dream told me to give grace as these people—friends, lovers, and peers—need it more than I could ever imagine or dream or actualize. Sometimes there will be weeds pleading for a helping hand, and it’s on you to be there when possible. My garden has been magnificent my entire life due to the allowance of all vegetation and intruders. The water has to continue to be poured on all of those things or people or places. I have to give grace to myself as well as a reward, or I, too, will wither away. If you made it this far, I hope you can extend some grace in a moment or forever to your little or big garden. It needs it.
I figured why not take the things in my dream and make something so gentle and inconsequential. I thought a frittata could be that. It has no bias. It doesn’t discriminate. It takes what you have to offer and makes nourishment for all around. Grace.
Side note: Weirdly enough, I made a lot of frittata’s when recovering from hand reconstruction surgery.
my morning frittata
ingredients:
a simple frittata:
8 eggs, beaten
1 shallot, finely diced
3 garlic cloves, roughly chopped
1 bell pepper, roughly chopped (i used 1/2 orange + 1/2 green)
1 jalapeno, de-seeded + roughly chopped
2c of baby spinach leaves, roughly chopped
5 baby bella mushrooms, cleaned + roughly chopped
1/2c sun dried tomatoes, thinly sliced
1c of mozzarella, shredded
1/4c of cream cheese
2-3T heavy whipping cream
1c of pancetta, diced (got mine at Trader Joe’s)
1T of unsalted butter + 1/2T of grease from pancetta (or 1/2T of extra virgin olive oil for the non-pork types)
If it’s difficult to find pancetta, 2-3 slices of thick cut bacon works.
salt & pepper to taste
helpful items:
large size skillet (12” & oven safe!!!!)
cheese grater
wooden spoon
medium/large whisk
small/medium/large bowls
strainer (if using pancetta/bacon)
paper towel or pastry brush
recipe:
Set oven to 400F
In a large skillet, add pancetta and cook until desired crispness is reached. Strain pancetta from the grease/fat in the pan in separate bowls and set aside. Place unsalted butter into pan and allow to melt but not burn.
In a large bowl, beat the eggs and add a pinch of salt. Thoroughly mix with whisk. Set aside for 15-20 minutes. Then, in the same large bowl, add heavy cream. Mix with whisk. Set aside for 5 minutes.
In the same large bowl from Step 3, add shallot, garlic, bell pepper, jalapeno, baby spinach, mushrooms, sun dried tomatoes and pancetta/bacon (once it has cooled down).
In the large skillet from Step 2—once it has cooled down, use a paper towel (OR pastry brush) to rub the melted butter all over pan to lubricate it along with some the excess grease/fat from the bacon/pancetta (or olive oil). Pour egg mixture from Step 3 into skillet. Tap skillet on flat surface to eliminate pockets of air. Carefully add dollops of cream cheese and mozzarella around the top with a spoon (This step has reference photos below).
Add large skillet to oven and bake for 20-25 minutes OR until the top has stiffened—the eggs should be fully cooked along with melted cheese.
Take large skillet out of oven, allow to cool for 15-20 minutes and serve immediately. Enjoy!
Note: If you have the skill, you can flip the dish onto a large plate to have a better serving photo as done below.
