Box
A few weeks ago I received a box from my ex-girlfriend in the mail. My ex and I had not been in contact for over a year. It was quite confusing to see her name on some mail with my address. As soon as I got the package delivery text from our carrier software I ran down to retrieve it. “What’s in the box? Was it an accident? Is this some unusual way to reach out to me!?”, I thought as I inspected the package for any tell-tell signs. The sender was a best friend of hers I had met years prior, and that made the delivery even more confusing. There was no indication of it being opened prior to delivery or was completely unintentional—the box indeed had my address. After some mulling and consulting with friends and family, I decided to open the box—we were mostly worried that the intent could be malicious; it wasn’t. The contents of the box were Mardi Gras-related given that my ex is from New Orleans. Naturally, I re-sealed the box and planned a message to her—an email because my number was still blocked.
The universe is a strange place at times. Late-2024 some force was compelling me to reach out to my ex and see how she was doing. I had this feeling that things weren’t okay with her suddenly. I felt all the signs I was receiving were pointing that way. I had seen lookalikes of her, ran into old acquaintances of ours, and my friends were bringing her up in conversation. The universe was whispering to me to reach out. I’m not usually the ex-partner to reach out to my former lovers—I leave them be. I don’t want to disrupt their peace or ethos by resurfacing memories of the past, and the same rules were applicable with this ex as well. I had not spoken to her since December 2023, but I did reach out late last year by other means to no avail. I took that as a sign that maybe the universe was telling me something else. I didn’t know for sure. Eventually, I put the idea of speaking to her again to bed and moved on with life as any normal person would. The whispers from the universe had stopped until I got the box. The box felt like a yell from the sky. I actually had a valid reason to speak to her!
After some careful thought, I wrote an email with no indications of the box being opened in the body, but I did STUPIDILY AND REGRETTABLY mention Mardi Gras in the subject—her response was sour. I didn’t think her reaction would be that way necessarily; it was the worst-case scenario, and it was heartbreaking. Maybe it’s my ego or some semblance of entitlement, but I felt the response was a bit undeserving. It baffles me to hold someone so highly, love them so carefully and try to uplift them so passionately yet be treated like a creep, a stranger. We didn’t end on the best of terms, but you’d think some significant time away would shift perspective or emotions subjugated. I spent that entire day after getting the stabbing email in a rut. I cried endlessly at work, after work and even in bed. I spent hours trying to put back all of the fragmented memories together and make a rational puzzle of it. I couldn’t and maybe that’s why it was deserved. The relationship was forgotten. A distant memory. However, the emotions were not all gone.
The universe is a brutal place at times. In a way, I did get my answer from the universe; the answer was obviously not what I wanted nor necessarily expected. But I did get my answer, nevertheless. The thought of my ex could be put to rest…once again—almost like this annual admission of a failed experience in a way. I don’t advise to view any romantic relationship or journey as a failed experience, because as my therapist always says, there is a lesson to be learned there; it’s a tool to have a positive outlook on lifes’ ebbs and flows. We live in trying times. I hope you’re spreading love when you do have that moment or opportunity of reconnection.