NMMNF
“Never Meet My New Friends”
I’ve lost a lot of friends over the years. Part of it is due to my own self-destruction which I take full accountability; however, I’ve also lost friends due to college or grad school or law school completion, work or even the DMV being such a transient area. It’s easy to lose friends in adulthood—I’m sure you’ve been told this at some point in your life. I could bring up a specific friend from years ago I lost. No, I rather talk about the feeling of loss and how I thought I was losing a friend earlier this month in fact. I think a song that expresses the loss of friend better than most would be Sade’s Maureen.
Now, if you haven’t heard the song Maureen, you are in for a treat; Sade is able to express effectively the feeling of loss, the sadness behind a future without the titular friend and the memories they created while the titular friend was alive. I have lost friends from untimely deaths, but this post isn’t necessarily about them though I miss them dearly.
“Maureen, I miss you
I just can't explain
I'm never gonna see you again
I wish you could meet my new friends”
It’s really hard to explain the loss of friendship. For some reason, it seems to cut deeper than the loss of perhaps a lover. Friendship is this incredible bond created by the universe that can be so fragile yet so fulfilling. That moment of your life is a rush as you journey with someone that brings new insights, pleasures of life and a welcoming spirit. You, like anyone, have made new friends and know that nearly indescribable feeling of meeting someone who gets you, who knows you in a way unlike any other. That fresh platonic friendship breeds a new feeling to life, and you reach a high beyond comprehension. Yet, it ends for whatever reason, and you won’t see them again; or, you won’t see them in maybe the same way based on how you fell out. But, before you fall out, that piece of time is priceless. I’ve had those priceless experiences many times with a variety of individuals from all walks of life. I cherish those friendships and nurture them however best I can.
“Where are we going tonight
And what will you be wearing?
Shone like a souped-up car in that rent-a-go-cart town
And I miss you Maureen, I miss you girl”
Nights are planned with your friend that feel endless. You’re with your person, and it’s like life won’t end with them or you. Good or great friendships seem to create this almost psychic bond with someone—you have your own language through body and words. You can understand them from across the room without ever saying a word or very few rather. Before I even ask about plans, they have initiated some for the both of us to indulge. It’s like they’re an extension of your psyche or spirit. Earlier this month, I felt my friend was distancing themselves. The text messages became a bit sparse, and I was slowly receiving their words as foreign. The bond felt broken in a way, and it worried me. I didn’t want to lose this friend at all—they mean so much to me. It’s one of the few people I’ve met in my 30’s who understands me at a spiritual level. I value that, but I didn’t know if they valued me the same way.
“You were my best friend”
I’ve lost a lot of best friends over the years—people I’ve opened my heart and soul with in ways incomprehensible. I couldn’t afford to lose another one, but we worked it out. We worked it out in a way that makes sense for us, and I think that’s the best way to describe counseling within friendships: it’s best to do it the way you got close. People tend to force friends into this box—the issue is the box tends to change as we change or grow. The way I resolved the issues with my friend were not the way I would have resolved with another. It was our way. My fear eventually declined as I realized most of my anxiety was self-inflicted. Now, we’re fine.
The friends I’ve lost will always be missed somewhere deep in my soul. As a Taurus, we are gifted (or cursed) with the great skill of disassociation. It’s like the person never existed until one very specific memory or iPhone’s “On this Day” or the actual person(s) magically appears in front of you. Then, you’re reminded. When I was younger, I would think about the bad moments we had as friends. The Fallout. But, as I’ve aged and thrived in therapy, I hold onto those great memories or moments we shared, because those memories or moments are the essence of friendship. Those memories or moments are what made your kinship precious. Too bad, they’ll never meet my new friends I made in their absence.
“Never meet my new friends
Never meet my new friends
Never meet my new friends
Never meet my new friends
Never meet my new friends
Never meet my new friends
Never meet my new friends
Never meet my new friends
Never meet my new friends
Never meet my new friends
Never meet my new friends”
Cacio e Pepe
ingredients:
the dish:
~1c of bucatini pasta (preferably bronze cut)
1T of fresh black peppercorns, grinded finely or roughly (up to you)
1-1 1/2c of fresh pecorino, grated
1-2T olive oil
pasta water (don’t you dump it!)
Salt to taste
Optional: 1-2T of unsalted butter
Helpful items:
small/large pan
wooden spoon
good blender
kitchen tongs
cheese grater
Optional: mortar & pestle (I’m still using my molcajete)
recipe (the roman pasta):
In a small pan set to medium, toast peppercorns until fragrant but not burnt. Place toasted peppercorns into mortar & pestle or small blender until grinded roughly or finely. Set aside.
Boil bucatini pasta based on packaged instructions until al dente. Reserve pasta water and remove pasta into large pan.
In a good blender, add half of the grinded black pepper, pecorino and a little boiled pasta water. Blend. If it’s still a bit thick, add a little more pasta water until desired thinness has been reached. Add salt to taste. It should be about 1-2T of pasta water.
In the large pan set to medium-low from Step 2, add sauce, a little olive oil and a bit more of the grinded black pepper. Mix together until sauce and pasta are homogenous. Add salt to taste. Enjoy!
Note: If you want to make this pasta dish more restaurant-like, you can add a tablespoon or two of unsalted butter to it. The fatty richness of butter will elevate the dish and americanize it a bit more.
