The Crook
was it the searing spotlight, was it the ever pouring outbursts against your crimes, was it the persistence of renowned chefs, was it your lack of cooking skills, was it the exclusion of poise and concern, was it the hubris, was it the callous behavior towards your loyal patrons, was it the failed attempts to make yourself legitimate, was it the shitty cake, was it the overpriced inconsumable ooze of a meal plated in front of innocent over-paying people, was it the over-seasoned dishes, was it the grossly copious amounts of sugar, was it your liberal efforts to add fennel powder, was it someone’s farm, was it the mishandling of so many business ventures, was it the desolate crevice of evil that replaced your heart and dignity, was it the constant harassment of the women holding you accountable, was it the misguided efforts to foil their names, was it the drainage bags slowly leaking the contents of your piss poor dietary habits into your under-prepared meals, was it the void that never filled while staring into the camera and lying to the public, was it the camera, was it the so called fame, was it finally the pressure, was it the crocodile tears shed on IG live, was it the denial of your transgressions? What was it Darius?
UPDATE: I originally wrote this post on September 15, 2021. However, we all know what happened subsequently afterwards… It’s almost euphoric to finally publish this as I’ve gone through so much to get here. All the therapy, physical therapy, spiritual healing and grace have led me to this moment. I’m nearly at tears knowing I can still cook and produce content like this for you all. The left hand still reigns.
traditional batter/homemade batter/artisanal batter fried catfish
ingredients:
traditional batter fried catfish
1-2lb. fresh catfish fillets, sliced to desired lengths
store-bought fried fish batter (I used Zatarain’s New Orlean’s Style Fish Fri — Crispy Southern)
4c/32oz. canola oil
salt & pepper to taste
1T cayenne pepper (optional)
spicy ketchup sauce
1/4c ketchup
3T siracha
3T hot sauce of choice (I used Louisiana)
1t paprika
lemon slices + white bread, for garnish
homemade batter fried catfish
1-2lb. fresh catfish fillets, sliced to desired lengths
dry batter
1 1/2c cornmeal
1/2 c flour
1T white pepper
1T garlic powder
1T onion powder
1T cayenne pepper
1T smoke paprika
1T ground mustard
salt & pepper to taste
1/2T MSG (optional)
1t ground thyme (optional)
wet batter
2 whole eggs
1T hot sauce of choice (I used Louisiana)
1c whole organic milk
1/2c heavy cream
4c/32oz. canola oil
tartar sauce
1/2c mayo
1/4c sour cream
1T capers, roughly chopped
1 garlic clove, minced
1T fresh dill, roughly chopped
salt and pepper to taste
1t worcestershire sauce (optional)
2t juice of capers (optional)
fresh dill, for garnish
lemon slices + white bread, for garnish
tempura catfish sushi rolls
1/2lb. fresh catfish fillets, sliced into thin strip shapes
tempura batter
1-2c rice flour or as needed
1/4c corn starch
3t baking soda
1c/8oz. club soda or sparkling water, cold
3T hot sauce of choice
4c/32oz. vegetable/peanut oil
sushi rice
2c sushi rice
1/4c unseasoned rice vinegar (or seasoned if you can’t find the other)
4t sugar
1t salt (kosher or fine sea salt)
optional: 4-inch square of kombu (or sushi nori if you can’t find it) while rice cooks
fermented hot sauce from Joshua Weissman (or hot sauce of choice)
fermented peppers
1.25lbs. or about 9 red fresno peppers (I got mine from the LA Mart), de-stemmed and sliced in half
1.25q water
3.5T salt (kosher or fine sea salt)
hot sauce
8 garlic cloves, whole
fermented fresno peppers (seeds on or off—I’m judging if you remove the seeds, wimp)
1/2c white vinegar
3T brine
salt to taste
optional: 1t xanthan gum for smoothness
sushi roll
1-2 catfish strips
1 sushi nori sheet
cooked sushi rice
spicy mayo
3T fermented hot sauce (or hot sauce of choice)
1c mayo (or homemade)
salt to taste
chives
sweet potato, peeled + thinly sliced into strips
1/2t lemon zest
Helpful items:
dutch oven/large pot
bowls
baking sheet + rack
paper towels
kitchen spider/mesh strainer
whisk
plastic wrap
plastic wrap
high-speed blender
24oz. mason jar or sealed bowl/cup
kitchen scissors (optional)
grocery bag (optional)
ziploc bag (optional)
8/16oz. squeeze bottle (optional)
recipe (traditional):
In a dutch oven or large pot, pour in canola oil and heat until it reaches 375F.
In the mean time, mix ketchup, siracha, hot sauce and paprika into bowl. Set aside.
If you have a ziploc bag: pour hot ketchup mixture carefully into ziploc and seal air tight. Cut corner of ziploc bag and squeeze to serve.
If you have a ziploc bag and squeeze bottle: pour hot ketchup mixture carefully into ziploc and seal air tight. Cut corner of ziploc bag and carefully squeeze contents into squeeze bottle. Set aside until ready to serve fish
Pour fish fry batter into bowl or grocery bag and add cayenne pepper. Add desired amount of salt & pepper as well. Carefully drop catfish into bag and shake vigorously OR drop catfish into bowl and make sure fish is thoroughly coated with fish fri batter.
Once oil has heated, carefully add fish to heated dutch oven/pot and cook until desired crisp brown color is reached (I cook mine for about 5-8 minutes)
Retrieve fried fish from oil and place on paper towel covered rimmed baking sheet.
I like to actually put my fish directly on top of my bread after taking out of oil so the fish-flavored oil can be absorbed into the bread. This also helps maintain the fish’s crispy texture.
Serve fish with lemon slices, fries and spicy ketchup sauce. Enjoy!
recipe (homemade):
In a dutch oven or large pot, pour in canola oil and heat until it reaches 375F.
In the mean time, mix mayo, sour cream, capers, minced garlic, dill, salt & pepper, Worcestershire sauce and juice of capers into bowl. Mix. Mix. Cover with plastic wrap and place in refrigerator until ready to serve.
In a medium size bowl or casserole dish or pie plate, add flour and cornmeal. Whisk together. Then add white pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne powder, smoked paprika, ground mustard, salt & pepper, MSG and ground thyme. Mix together well. Set aside.
In another medium size bowl or casserole dish or pie plate, add milk, heavy cream, eggs and hot sauce. Whisk together. Ensure eggs are fully beaten. Set aside.
Place catfish fillet slices into wet batter from step 4. Ensure fish is fully coated! Then place catfish fillet slices into dry batter from step 3. Ensure fish is fully coated!
Once oil has heated, carefully add coated fish to heated dutch oven/pot and cook until desired crisp brown color is reached (I cook mine for about 8-10 minutes—I prefer homemade batter fried fish to be extra extra crispy).
Retrieve fried fish from oil and place on paper towel covered rimmed baking sheet.
I like to actually put my fish directly on top of my bread after taking out of oil so the fish-flavored oil can be absorbed into the bread. This also helps maintain the fish’s crispy texture. I also like to immediately squeeze fresh lemon juice onto homemade batter fried catfish. The homemade batter seems to absorb the lemon flavors better.
Serve fish with lemon slices, fries and tartar sauce. Enjoy!
recipe (tempura catfish sushi rolls):
Cook’s Notes: For this third rendition of fried catfish, I wanted break down what exactly makes a fried catfish plate so special? Is it the batter, the white bread, the fish, the fries or the inevitable heartburn? I wasn’t sure, so I spent a few weeks (years, actually) breaking down the recipe into the basics of it and came up with this. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Peace.
white bread = white rice
fish = tempura-style catfish
fries = sweet potato slices
lemon = lemon zest
spicy mayo = tartar/hot sauce
chives are just my fun little add-on
Fermented Hot Sauce/Spicy Mayo
In the large jar or cup, add salt and fill with water. Stir with fork or tiny whisk until salt is dissolved. Submerge sliced peppers into jar or cup filled with salt water. Place gently on top plastic wrap to submerge peppers further. You want to push the plastic wrap down. Seal and set aside for 3-5 days. Check everyday to ensure no mold is forming!
After 3-5 days, unseal jar or cup and carefully place peppers into blender. DO NOT POUR OUT BRINE. Add garlic and vinegar. Blend. Slowly add small amounts of pepper brine and blend until mixture reaches desired consistency. Add xanthan gum for smoothness. Add salt to taste. Set aside. This can be fridge for 1-2 weeks.
Note: Optionally, you can smooth out the hot sauce by whisking it through a mesh strainer.
For the spicy mayo, add mayo, hot sauce to small bowl. Stir. Add salt to taste.
Wash your rice until rice water returns no cloudy color. Add washed rice to rice cooker or pot, place optional sushi nori sheet or kombu on top and cook based on package’s instructions. After rice has a cooled a bit, add rice, rice vinegar, sugar and salt to a bowl. Mix and fold gently. Set aside.
In another medium size bowl, add 1c of rice flour, corn starch and baking soda. Gently whisk. Then slowly pour in club soda. Whisk again. Finally add hot sauce. Whisk once again. Cover and set aside in fridge for 15 minutes. This batter must be cold.
Note: If the batter is a bit too watery, you can add more rice flour; however, tempura is supposed to be a bit runny. The fridge should stiffen the batter a bit.
After thinly slicing catfish strips, sprinkle a small amount of salt over them. Set aside.
Heat oil in pan to 375F. After oil is heated in pan, carefully dip catfish strips into tempura batter from Step 3 and cook for 6-7 minutes or until the fish are crispy gold (pictures below). Place on wire rack. Set aside.
In the same oil, add sweet potato strips and cook until strips darken slightly and firm up. It should be about 2-3 minutes. Place on wire rack. Set aside.
Sushi Time
Wrap sushi mat in plastic wrap and gently place unbroken 1 sushi nori sheet on top. Gently add cooked rice from Step 2 on top of sushi nori (if you’re using hands to add rice please water your fingers to avoid sticking). Smooth it out. There should be a little room left at the top and bottom of the sushi nori sheet.
Add catfish strips, sweet potato, chives, spicy mayo and a little lemon zest to the bottom of (closest to you) the sushi nori sheet. Using the sushi mat, gently roll the nori up and carefully close sushi roll. A good sushi roll has no evidence of nori inside of the rice. It does take practice and patience, but I believe in you!
Note: I recommend trying with a small amount of the ingredients above. It’s easier to make small rolls!
Slice off empty ends of sushi roll on both sides, then slice sushi roll in half. Place those two halves beside each other and slice them 3 times equally. This should produce 6 sushi rolls. Serve with more spicy mayo or add spicy mayo in the step before rolling sushi nori. Enjoy!
Helpful Links: