WAFB
“What a Fool Believes”
In my past, I have spun the block. You have. Your friends have. Your current- or ex-lovers have. It’s part of the millennial romantic experience in a depressing way. It’s this infectious desire that can only be put to rest once the curtain of ignorance has been pulled. Sometimes my friends even encourage me to spin the block because it’s safer than reentering the dirty streets of adult romance, and I’ll touch on this later. If you don’t know what spinning the block means, I define it as: shamelessly reapproaching an ex-partner or -lover. Unfortunately, my few attempts of spinning the block failed miserably. My ex-partners or -lovers were not having one bit of my resurfacing; and, I don’t blame them. It’s much easier to leave something from the past in…the past. My ambition and fantasy were there, but the try was awful—foolish even.
The first time I heard of Michael McDonald was in high school. I had a classmate who was borderline obsessed with him! A strange taste in music for a young lady born in the 90’s but nevertheless. Never had I heard Sweet Freedom, I Keep Forgettin’ or On My Own until my rather abrupt introduction to the artist. I didn’t enjoy MM’s music as a teenager, but I grew to love it as I aged. After some research many years later, I discovered MM was in a rock-pop band called, “The Doobie Brothers”. I eventually got around to digging into their music and one song in particular resonated with me—especially now: What A Fool Believes.
This song delves into a man comforted by the illusions of rekindling with an ex-lover; despite his desires to return into her life, she’s giving obvious signs of disinterest but moreover forgetfulness. The woman of concern doesn’t have those memories of him around anymore. Unfortunately, the lady’s very best efforts to explain this self-induced amnesia go unheard. The man is so set on the recreation of this relationship that he can’t see the clear signals in front of him. His hubris being so great only creates an awkward moment during this meeting.
“He came from somewhere back in her long ago
The sentimental fool don't see
Tryin' hard to recreate
What had yet to be created once in her life
She musters a smile for his nostalgic tale
Never coming near what he wanted to say
Only to realize it never really was”
I’ve spent a lot of time discussing on this blog fragmented memories of past relationships and how those can be beneficial or harmful. You try to grasp on to the positive moments with someone of the past, but they’re gone or deeply buried in your mind; and somehow, the negative one’s seem to resurface much more often. I’ve concluded that it’s part of humanity’s natural instinct to survive. Person did bad so remember the bad. Person did good so remember the good. Person did okay so remember the bad. Throughout this long process of my romantic sabbatical, I’ve worked extremely hard to reject this notion. My efforts to cradle the good moments with an ex-lover has worked out. I continue to think about all the good I did for them, and more importantly, the good they did for me. Despite this rigorous meditation process by me, you cannot control the actions or feelings of someone you’re reapproaching. All of this work will not manifest in some fantastical rekindling. Sorry! The same way the man in this song will not have his wish granted.
“She had a place in his life
He never made her think twice
As he rises to her apology
Anybody else would surely know
He's watching her go”
Spinning the block selfishly puts you in a vulnerable position. You reopen your heart—for just a moment—to plead your case to someone. Sometimes these pleas are met with gratitude. Sometimes they are met with anger. I think the important lesson in spinning the block is having a sufficient answer. Answers to these acts of love or desperation are often not satisfying but at least the answer is conclusive. Perhaps, it’s best to leave people be. That doesn’t stop us from trying with a past lover. I’ve also concluded it’s a part of humanity’s natural instinct to return to past lovers. They’re safe because you know them. Ex-lovers of our past provide this indescribable comfort worthy of the risk. I can’t blame people for trying. Perhaps, I’m the idiot for thinking I had a chance after things soured. Somehow I was able to create this fantasy in my head of us working out this time, the second time. I could tweak my reactions, listen better and give more effort. If this wasn’t the solution last time, I will do just the opposite to appease them. Whatever her demands are, I can accommodate them. But, like many others, I never got the chance. In spite of my best efforts, I was shot down with great fervor. I defied my mind and listened to my heart. Men seem to have this indestructible confidence regarding return. I truly do not understand it for myself or my peers. We can leave and exit when we want because we know they’ll be there with open arms upon our return. It is unwise. We are foolish. I was foolish, and I thought it was love.
“But what a fool believes, he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be
Is always better than nothing
Than nothing at all”
Love is powerful. It’s relentless at times. It makes us believe we have a chance when all evidence is pointing to the opposite. That’s the lover I have been before—a courageously desperate one; similarly desperate to the man in this song, I was. Willing to forget or ignore the flaws of the relationship or the lover, my love would flicker even at the windiest times. Why? I thought that was love. I thought love was putting your partner first and you second all the time. My definition was flawed, but even worse, my definition was self-detrimental. I’ve worked extremely hard this year to redefine what love means to me, and I will share that in a later post. Sometimes love bites us in the ass, and we still build up the strength to rekindle. It’s dangerous, but it’s life.
“But what a fool believes, he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be
(If love can come and love can go, then why can't love return once more?)
Is always better than nothing
(Who got the power?)
Than nothing at all (Oh, now)”
I’ve made spicy carbonara on this blog before, but I found a quicker and easier way to make the dish. It involves instant ramyun (ramen)! You want spice? You want Italian-Korean fusion? You’ve got it here. Only a fool would think this is the real thing though.
spicy carbonara simple ramyun
ingredients
ramyun:
1-packet of shin ramyun (I used NONG SHIM Shin Ramyun Noodle Soup)
1T of gochujang
2 slices of american cheese, white (what I used) or original
1/4c or 2oz. of pancetta, roughly chopped bacon or guanciale (I used Trader Joe’s pancetta), cooked
Optional, garnish:
1T fried chili in oil (The best but the other options will suffice)
1/4c green onions, thinly sliced
1 egg, cooked with runny yolk or raw
Helpful items:
10/12-inch non-stick skillet/pot of choice
wooden spoon
chop sticks
paper towels
bowls/plates
measuring cup
recipe (ramyun):
In a 12-inch skillet set to medium-high, add pancetta. Cook pancetta until desired crispiness is reached, 4-5 minutes. Remove pancetta from pan and place on a paper towel-covered plate. Allow pancetta to cool down and for the paper towel to absorb the excess fat.
In a 10-inch skillet, add water based on the ramyun package’s instructions, add gochujang while carefully stirring and heat until a gentle boil is reached. Once water is boiling, add everything from ramyun pack and cook until desired noodle texture (4-4 1/2 minutes for me) is reached with the occasional chopstick stir to break-up noodles. Lower heat and add cheese slices carefully on top of the noodles. Stir cheese and noodles until fully incorporated. Pour cooked ramyun into bowl.
Note: You can use a pot instead of a pan! I recommend whatever is easier for you. I used a skillet because I find there’s more control with the broth levels. I specifically used a 10-inch skillet to ensure there’s still a generous amount of broth left by the time the noodles reach my preferred texture.
Note 2: Skip the gochujang if you’d prefer something a little less spicy!
Garnish ramyun in bowl with fried chili oil, green onions and egg. Enjoy!
